From Pity to Praise

You can’t feel your way into action, but you can act your way into feeling.

I hit snooze for the third time. Like superglue to paper was my body to my mattress.

Tossing and turning all night, my mind ping-ponging back and forth from thoughts. Nothing significant, nothing worrisome, merely pointless thoughts and tired eyes. Restlessness is a familiar place for me. Often the thoughts were anxious or fearful, often they created imaginary conversations or scenarios that brought fear— not that night. No, the anxiety and depressive thoughts don’t seem to haunt me like they used to, yet somehow here I was again, sleepless.

I literally woke myself up from two dreams because I was consciously excited at the realization I was dreaming—dreams meant sleep, actual sleep. Then the dreadful alarm jingle. Not again. I listened for footsteps and quiet whispers from my children. The house was still silent so I gave myself permission to snooze—not once—three times.

Sometimes we just don’t feel like moving. Whether we’ve experienced recent heartache, disappointments in relationships, confusion with our career direction, or we’re tired from the throws of daily parenting, sometimes we hit a mental roadblock. Sometimes it’s a deep thirst in our soul that needs to be quenched. Sometimes its an intense spiritual battle that requires intentional warfare. Sometimes, we’re tired. Whether its an emotional, spiritual, or physical roadblock, our bodies often become immovable as a result.

Stuck. Its in these moments I’ve been tempted to lay there, sit there, cry there — by all means, rest may be necessary at times—but we will never see progress and growth in our lives if we allow ourselves to stay put. We hear from the world choose you, do what’s best for you, love yourself, you do you. While the sentiment I don’t disagree with entirely—yes, we absolutely need to care for our health—there is a depth of our soul that will never be satisfied by seeking within ourselves. There is an ache inside us that will never be relieved if we put the power of healing in our own hands. There is an emptiness that will never be filled when we ask our empty selves to fill that void. If our feelings are telling us the story that we are trapped, stuck, immovable, worthless, and don’t have the capacity to move, then turning to me, myself, and I for the strength to climb to freedom is like reaching into an empty cookie jar trying to convince myself with one more hope and a prayer I can will a cookie into my hands.

When we’re stuck, it’s time to move. It’s time to literally force our bodies into action.

Before cameras had the technology to auto-focus for clarity, the operator would manually adjust the lens to see the target shot more clearly. Friend, it’s time to manually shift that perspective off self-help and get true help from the One called our Helper—”But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, will teach you (John 14:26 ESV).” We need His hands-on guidance to manually adjust our focus to see life His way in order to strengthen our inner selves to auto-focus into God’s perspective as the trials come our way.

“I life my eyes up to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD…”

Psalm 121:1 ESV

“Behold, God is my helper .”

Psalm 54:4 ESV

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” It is time to reprogram our minds. If what you’ve been doing this whole time was working for you, you wouldn’t be stuck. Trust me, I’ve been there thinking you don’t really understand, but its time to stop that nonsense of sitting in your feelings and get up! Shift your focus: the position and focal point of your heart and eyes. When you can’t make sense of what is happening around you, I have learned the best place to position your heart is praise. Praise aligns our focus to what is important. Praise reminds us of who or what we worship. We all worship something or someone. We all put our faith in something or someone. Worship is where we choose to focus the attention of our heart. Praise is the expression, the action, the alignment, of that worship.

Friend, the struggle to get out of bed in the morning is real. The weight of the world resting on your shoulders before your first sip of afternoon cold brew is heavy. When your head hits the pillow at the end of the day and your thoughts are like a pinball plunging down a surface never quite settling on a target and you’re exhausted. I get it.

I’ve been there. On that recent dreaded morning listening to my alarm cycle like a broken record. I’ve learned that the only peace that comes in these moments is choosing Jesus over how I feel. I think about who He is and what He has done.

During that long, sleepless night, and the dreaded day that followed, rather than sulk in the pity of my struggles, I put into practice what God had developed over the several previous years—I put my trust in Him. My practice of praise sounded something like this:

God you are Strong. Jesus you are gracious. Holy Spirit you are my Helper. Thank you for having compassion in my weaknesses. Thank you that you have rescued me out of depression and the spiral of anxiety. I trust today you will give me the strength I need again, again, and again.

The result was not instant energy and clear thoughts. In fact, my mind remained foggy a lot of the day. Praise and dependence on God doesn’t always mean there’s a quick fix and everything suddenly works the way I desire. However, even though the circumstances may not shift, our focus does. We are filled with peace beyond our ability to comprehend. In my irritation or lack of patience because my body felt weak, I didn’t react in anger to my children, say sarcastic remarks in conversation or isolate myself. I didn’t have pins-and-needles anxiety all day debilitating my every thought. I exchanged pity for praise and received the gift of peace—supernatural peace.

Sometimes a simple meditation acknowledging God’s presence will give me breath in the moment. I inhale what I need: “Jesus you are my strength.” And exhale what I notice or feel in the moment: “I feel weak. Maybe you want to try this breathing exercise with me right now for practice.

Inhale: “God you are Good.”

Exhale: “Life is overwhelming.”

Inhale: “I need you Jesus.”

Exhale: “I can’t do this.”

Inhale: “I need you Jesus”

Exhale: “You are my help!”

The rest of Romans 12:2 says, “…so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Living God’s way, in His will, brings freedom, joy, and peace.

When the chaos of life attempts to derail us, implementing practices of praise and gratitude can help keep us on track. As we trust Jesus to be our foundation, He calls us to pick up the pieces and build our life on Him. The first piece is shifting our response from pity to praise.

When we experience constriction, bondage, and fear, and choose to cry out to God, He is right there to help. We are not alone. He is always with us. Can you remember a time when you knew you were not alone? Can you recall a time when you felt overwhelmed with peace and comfort? Maybe you weren’t aware that those moments of comfort were from God.

When I’m stuck in the grind or feeling invisible—like I’m doing everything for everyone else—I think back to these times and remember that I can thank God that He is here and He cares about me.

Maybe you’ve never experienced that peace or comfort. As we work together to create healthy habits, it can be helpful to reflect on what hasn’t worked before moving forward. Maybe it would be helpful to acknowledge what has been lost by not applying these habits in the past. Or maybe it’s time to examine where you are in this present moment, how you got here, and realize your need to adjust.

Accepting the need to shift your perspective will help you not only survive your present circumstances; it will help you overcome being trapped and thrive. 

“He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.”

Psalms‬ ‭40:3‬ ‭NASB1995

Are you ready to fill your mind, heart, and mouth with praise?
I’d love to hear from you. Send me a message so I can pray for you.

Re-Calibrate

“Why can’t days be like this day?” Lily asks me as she points to a picture of her standing at the La Brea Tar Pits in sunny Los Angeles. “We used to always go to places like this, but today has only been partly happy and partly bad.” A typical honest evaluation from the mouth of a unsettled six year old making sense of the world around her. Discontented by why some days are more eventful than others, she’s not thinking “wow! I’m so thankful I have breath today!” or “I’m so thankful I went swimming, played games, finished work, and get to play for a few uninstructed hours before going to my favorite jiu-jitsu class, and finish the day eating my favorite meal cheese enchiladas.” No, she sees a need for change, she wants to make change happen.

I believe God created her to see life through this perspective because she will be a world-changer and difference maker. She does not settle for comfort, as-is, mundane. Yet, as much as she seeks the excitement of adventure, whimsy, and rock-out-music-dance-parties, she also settles for nothing less than well-executed plans, consistency, and acute attention to detail. Her zeal for life often leaves her disappointed when her expectation does not get satisfied EXACTLY how she sees it.

Can you relate? I know I often can. We start our day with exactly the perfect plan in mind only to discover moments in that it’s beginning to go off course. Maybe your friend, Anxiety greets you as you try to navigate back to the check-list. You don’t want to rudely dismiss her, but her presence is not allowing your productivity. In fact, the more you attempt to turn your attention elsewhere, the more you’re reminded of her presence looming closer and closer into your personal space.

“Why is this so hard for me?” We often cry out. “Why can’t I just move on and be flexible? Life requires adjustments, yet one little shift in the “plan” and now we’re no longer “off course”, we’re beginning to derail thinking of how we wanted the day to go, how it was lined up perfectly, how now we’re going to have to change every details to adjust to this one small move.”

This inability to be flexible hit me recently when I had scheduled for my son and daughter to sleep over at a friends. We moved recently and have lots of fun house projects, but I hate that my children’s weekend gets taken over because I have kitchen cabinets to sand and paint. I also am committed to a writing program in addition to the regular full life of a motherhood and loving our community. We had just returned from week vacation and I had a lot of catch-up. Unknowingly my friend offered to watch them overnight that same weekend. Perfect! Rather than sit my kids in front of movies all day, they can go swim and play. “God, thank you for knowing what I need without me even realizing it.” I prayed.

I consulted my husband before making the plans, but in hindsight he was exhausted and not in the frame of mind to think outside of his current moment of rest. Sunday comes around and an hour before he was scheduled to take them so I could write, he gently pulled me aside to discuss having them stay home. He missed us. He wanted family time. And although he still had in mind to work on our projects, he wanted to play with his kiddos in-between. Even as I write this it makes me cringe at my natural close-minded response. I said, “No, it’s not possible.” Sure I made a strong argument that it was inconsiderate to cancel last minute, but I was not considering him. Underneath that rationale was the desire to have it my way. God really did know what I needed, it just didn’t look how I wanted it to look.

When I saw the disappointment on his face, I stepped back and saw his perspective, and eventually cancelled those plans. I wish it ended there. I wish I could say that our day was all sunshine and roses, but the reality was clouded with disappointment and rigidity. Maybe in the past I would’ve kept my narrow focus and not seen his view, so I pause and acknowledge the progress, but still the lingering desire to stick to my plan made for a day filled with egg shells laid out all over our floor as we tiptoed through conversations.

Today, as my daughter longs for resolution to her unsettled emotions, I was reminded of our need to re-calibrate our focus. Calibrate is to “mark (a gauge or instrument) with a standard scale of readings”. It is the process by which we adjust or measure with precision.” I believe we often set about our busy days with our list in front of us with our sights calibrated to the exact outcome we desire. What if our outcome is not the best outcome? What if our desires are not actually the best result? What if there’s a better way? A more productive process? A more efficient solution? A discovery that we actually cannot do the day on our own? A way where we learn to acknowledge our challenges and see how others’ strengths can support us?

“The eye is the lamp of the body so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.

But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.”

-Jesus Christ, Matthew 6:22

“Do you know what focus is, Lily?” I gave her a moment to think and then pulled out my iphone camera, “What do you see in the screen?” In detail she described the floor tom and high-hat from her brother’s drum set. I set my phone aside and asked her the same question. “I see the whole set, Mom! I see everything!” she said with excitement. “That’s right. This camera lens is similar to how we see what’s happening around us. When we put it down, this is kinda how God sees the world around us. What if we stopped in our frustration and disappointments and asked Him to help us see things His way?”

I wish I had taken a moment to apply this strategy with my husband, but I’m thankful for grace and another chance to practice what I learn as I grow.

Maybe today rather than have our eyes keenly focused on our perspective, we try asking God for His lens to replace ours. Maybe we consider asking Him to shed light into how we are seeing our circumstances. Maybe we ask Him to broaden our view. It might seem a little blurry at first, but through active trust and surrender, ultimately our eyes will RE-CALIBRATE to see life by His standard of ability, strength and grace, not by our limitations.

The light of Jesus helps us see clearly. His light makes the darkness of our chaos vanish. Because of who Jesus is and what He has done for us, we can see who we are. He is able; we are capable. He is strong; we have strength. He is grace; we have grace for ourselves and others. We will never fully understand and know everything about life the way God understands; HE is God. However, when we fix our eyes on Him I promise:

Seeing life through God’s lens changes everything.

Evaluate Before You Re-Calibrate

• Do you need to remember to pause today?
• In what circumstances can you ask God to step in and show you a different way to see?
• Is there someone you can call or message who can help you see things differently?

Prayer:

God, thank you for caring about what is happening in my life. Forgive me for trying to control the outcome and not trusting you with the details. Help me see things through your perspective. Fill me with your joy and peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Grappling for Grace

I sit—I wait. I fret—I wait. I cry—I wait. I wrestle—I wait.

I want to fix. I want to take every weary heart, heavy burden, lost soul, wounded spirit, tear shed, and every broken piece in the world and repair it. My heart aches for the hurting, the anxious, the disillusioned.

With white-knuckles I grip onto these pains as I dig through my arsenal of human wisdom and limited understanding to bring some kind of light and encouragement. I bring a band-aid to war wound.

I waited patiently for the LORD, He turned to me and heard my cry…Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you have planned for us.”

Psalm 40:4&5 NIV

If you’ve followed any of my story then this chapter is likely familiar to you. It has been very influential in my overall health: mind, body, spirit, soul, and relationships. It is the verse God revealed to me after my panic attack in 2015 that thrust me in slow motion into the hospital bed.

When I am anxious I pray. When I feel depressed I praise. When my mind is clouded I open up the scriptures. When I am discouraged or need wisdom I seek a trusted friend. And while I wait patiently for the LORD to intervene, what happens when its silent? When the tools of rescuing grace God revealed to me in order to get out of the horrible pit are but vapor in my grasping hands, I struggle with the patience of waiting—I wrestle.

Can you relate? In doubt, we often question the effectiveness of God’s tools. In frustration, we’re tempted to turn inward to extract any remaining resource. In worry, we frantically move at our own hurried and unproductive pace, or maybe even become immovable.

But then—God.

God shows up in a whisper, in a moment of peace, as a gentle reminder that I am not alone. He reminds me that He is God and I am not.

I am wrestling through the current hot topic of vaccine mandates. I have been text messaged this resource and emailed that research. I have been sent memes and jokes, helpful information as well as critical rants from news, podcasts, social media, churches, family and friends. I have done the sending of said info. If you’re breathing and reading this post, you probably have been inundated and participated as well. It’s likely we have different approaches and thoughts surrounding this topic. I’ve discovered in the most transparent conversations that even the people with whom I align closely we have various reasons motivating our decisions—faith, fear, science, family, health, caution, work, confidence.

What can I do? What’s the right decision? Why is this happening? What protects us more, a vaccine or the freedom to choose? How do we stand for our own freedom in the country, yet fight to take others’ freedoms away (there are so many other topics this question encompasses)? How do we say we want justice yet are more concerned with vaccine status than the lives of thousands of the enslaved and hundreds about to be executed today for what they believe?

I invite you to go on this journey with me for a few minutes as I guide you through my recent grapple for grace.

I was starting to wonder this week at what point, as followers of Jesus, does the research become less important than the wisdom and rich history God left us as a tool for living. Maybe you’re not a follower of Jesus, but I imagine you approach these heavy topics with care and precision as well and we can all learn from each other as we learn to respectfully see others’ points of view. Whose perspective are you looking at? Your’s? Your friend’s? Your favorite news resource? Influencer’s? Your pastor’s? God’s? If you are a follower of Jesus, as Christians do we not believe God gave us the Bible not only to fill our head with knowledge, but to change our heart to be more like Jesus—the One we claim to follow?

Noah in faith built a boat in the middle of a dessert—no matter the mocking and ridicule; to the world, Noah was foolish and a conspiracy theorist (Genesis Chapters 6-9). Daniel, exiled in Babylon, gained favor with a King who kept him and the Israelite people captive—he disobeyed the kings commands, continued to worship God, was betrayed by is coworkers, and sentenced to death by lions. He later stood firm in his faith with a few of his friends and resisted eating foods that were against his beliefs; God rescued him from death again and used his ministry to highlight God’s sovereign character as well as God as our Protector, Deliverer, and Savior. To most of the world Daniel was probably seen as ignorant, arrogant and an overachiever (The book of Daniel). Jonah out of fear and pride resisted God’s plan for Him and God redirected Him to accomplish the message of grace to a city of people who need to hear of God’s love (book of Jonah). The world would have likely celebrated his courage and trust in his personal conviction, but we can see from the result of the story he was full of fear and God’s way always prevails.

The entire eleventh chapter of Hebrews highlights men and women because of their faith. I encourage you to read it. These examples are not only inspiring, but also are a great reminder to focus on God rather than the circumstances that seem hopeless and confusing; they remind us to listen to God’s voice rather than the critic’s voice promoting self-service, self-pity, and self actualization.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Hebrews 11:1 NASB

When we read this verse at face value, faith appears to be the belief that something will happen, but the more the original language is studied, we find that this faith mentioned is a persuasive empowerment to live out God’s plan. This faith comes from God, not human effort, and is the power of God behind the action to live out the work of God.

In other words, faith requires action, action requires faith, both require God’s divine gift.

Recently, my son got a knee to his jaw during a jiu-jitsu class. If you’re unfamiliar with the sport—for the sake of brevity and simplicity—it’s a Brazilian martial art that is similar to the sport of wrestling, at least in terms of the grappling element. His tooth became loose, he couldn’t open his jaw for a few days, and for a few weeks he has not wanted to return to his advanced class because of the pain. We finally clarified that the apprehension was not because he is still in pain, but because he is afraid to get hurt in that area again. From my adult lens I lack patience for this refusal to move on. I want to stretch him slightly past his comfort so he can grow. Before you think I’m insensitive, allow me to explain a little more. He didn’t actually get hurt training, he got hurt during a game. His jaw is completely fine, now, but because he associates the pain with the class, he has succumb to fear. I want to teach him that sometimes we have to face the uncomfortable and wrestle within ourselves in order to see past our limitations. As I wrestle with how God sees the current events in the world, I can’t help but evaluate my own heart in my parenting. I’m reminded how God sees what feels like my mundane life in comparison to the tragedies and He cares.

I think God allows us to wrestle so we take our eyes off what is seemingly hopeless and turn them to his grace—His help and assistance in seeing his holiness.

We need to shift our perspective from our hopelessness to His holiness.

More of this grappling continued over recent news of Christian persecution around the globe. I am reminded of the story of Jacob in Genesis (The first book in the ancient Hebrew scriptures and Christian Bible) Chapter 32. Jacob was the son of Isaac, Isaac was the son of Abraham. Three generations after Abraham received the covenant promise from God of land, a nation, and the blessing of his name (Genesis 17), we have the story of Jacob, the heir to this promise, wrestling with God. This is the same Jacob who stole the blessing from his brother Esau (Genesis 27), and he is now running from him in fear. He knows this promise is for him. He has seen God keep His promises. Yet, here in just a short time later he is doubting God’s protection and provision.

Genesis chapter 32 verses 24-30 say that when Jacob was alone he wrestled with a man from late night until day break. Some believe this man was an angel, some believe he was a mysterious man, others that he was God himself. In verse thirty, Jacob acknowledges, “I have seen God face-to-face, yet my life has been preserved.” Whether it was God himself or not, it is widely recognized by historians and scholars that this grappling match was initiated by God. God in His character is all-knowing, so whether it was God or not—I personally believe it was—God positioned Jacob to struggle in order to produce necessary growth and trust in the LORD. Jacob did not win this wrestling match, in fact it may have even left him physically crippled, but something powerful shifted in the struggle. Jacob in his doubt, fear, and pride, wrestled the Almighty God in the flesh and as a result his spirit changed. The grappling humbled him, caused him to surrender, and changed his heart to see things through God’s lens.

At the end of the all night wrestling match, God demands Jacob to name himself. I believe this demand was God’s way of calling out his broken identity. By admitting I am Jacob aka the cheater and deceiver, he acknowledges he is broken without someone to save him. Upon his recognition, God blesses him and gives him a new name, Israel—from Jacob, in Hebrew meaning cheater or deceiver to Israel, meaning God fights. After this wrestling match we see a proud, fearful, deceitful young man grow into the leader of an entire nation of decedents that would later be named Israel. God demonstrated His protection, provision, and faithfulness to the Israelite people.

Just as God fought for His people then, He fights for us now. God promises to never leave us alone, empty, and afraid.

What about those times where it’s not in the fight that we get hurt? Like my son, sometimes out of nowhere we get blindsided and it leaves us wounded. Our focus in these moments will either leave us empty or filled with abundant blessing. Maybe it’s worth considering that in these moments God doesn’t ask us to ignore the pain, but rather in the midst of the struggle God wants us to admit our need for Him and ask for Him to bless us. We can wrestle ideas and even question what God is doing, but when we fix our focused on Jesus, we can stop fighting against Him and allow Him to fight for us to defeat these battles.

We see His faithfulness in these Biblical examples and He remains faithful to His promises today. Even when we doubt, fear, complain, and yes, even wrestle, God is always here with us. When we wrestle through these tensions, we will be better off than we were before. We will begin to see that God knows what is best and we can trust Him whether we have the answers or not, whether we hear Him, see Him, feel His presence, or not. Just because you’re struggling does not mean you are alone. You are never alone because Jesus is always with you. He fights for you.

Jacob deceived his father and stole the family blessing, he later begged God for another blessing. I am tempted to label him a liar and a cheat, as selfish and proud. I’m tempted to get angry like Esau and seek justice for the wrong. But if we examine his heart and motives a little deeper we can see more clearly the insecurity, identity crisis, and his longing to be seen and heard. I think we have each experienced at least one of those feelings.

I don’t know about you, but I am certainly thankful that Jesus came to reveal my identity so I don’t live in the labels others may out on me based on what I’ve done in my past. This forgiveness and grace does not give us an excuse to keep acting like a fool, but it certainly rescues us from the shame in which our enemy wants us trapped.

In one day, I heard the cries for freedom of choice and freedom from fear. I prayed for those fighting for their health and those fighting for justice. I witnessed the longing to have a voice and for wisdom as they use their platform for peace. Despite the denial of many, I saw posts about slavery/human trafficking in our Los Angeles cities as well as internationally, religious persecution and silencing overseas and I personally experience regularly. In our efforts to include, we the people seclude and silence.

Whether we cry out on behalf of the injustices of the world or the injustice in our homes, to whom do we cry out to save us? Friend, I needed the reminder today that only Jesus can fix. Only Jesus can truly heal the deep wounds of the world. I can, however, choose to bow in His presence and surrender and pray. That is the power we have—choice to pray. And when we pray we invite the power of God to intervene. Will you join me today to pray for these weary hearts, heavy burdens, lost souls, wounded spirits, tears shed, and for every broken piece in the world to be repaired in Jesus’ name? In that same prayer will you cry our to the only one who saves, Jesus. Maybe, just maybe, we will see miracles.

Jesus came to save the world AND He came to save each of us. By His grace, He saves and He renames. That truth my friend, is a miracle.

God wants to rename each of us. Even if you don’t believe it, this truth includes you too. He wants us to see we belong to Him. We can wrestle with our flesh and surrender our desires to Jesus who calls us Beloved.

I sit, I fret, I cry, I wrestle. I Trust—I open my hands to relinquish the grip and receive grace.

If you decide to release that grip today pray this with me:

God, you are good. Thank you Jesus for your grace. I choose today to let go of my grip of control and see that you are the One in control. I pray for those who are hurting, anxious, and disillusioned. I pray for those who feel lost. I pray for the brokenhearted. You see the hardship and the pain. You see the fear. You also see the faith. You see your precious children who trust you. We cry out to you and beg for your healing in these areas. Thank you for your compassion. Thank you for allowing us to experience the tension and reminding us in the struggle that we can trust you. You are faithful! In Jesus Name, let it be so.

Exchanging Emptiness for Abundance

Daily, we rely on the world to tell us what to think, do we not? We ask the news to inform us, books to guide us, influencers to inspire us, and medicine (or masks) to protect us. We even rely on our own understanding to sift through information and form ideas about ourselves and the people around us.

Can I confess something to you? I have been really frustrated lately. There are so many ideas swirling around in conversations, news articles to sift through, and loads of information to discern accuracy. And here I am—a homeschooling mom, wife, Bible study leader, volunteer at my local church, and writer—simply wanting to live a full and vibrant life encouraging others in their calling and giftings while enjoying the goodness God has provided here on Earth. Yet, with all of this information—and misinformation—I am struggling to set boundaries with how much time I spend educating myself because its sucking away my energy and time from the people right in front of me. All for what? To know more? To make better decisions? To tell people why I make the decisions I make? Is this information going to help me lead my life better or lead others better? I wonder.

I am passionate about living a holistically “whole” life—healthy mind, body, emotions, spirit, and relationships. Having productive, challenging, and honest conversations about what’s happening in the world is necessary for perspective, balance, and growth; specifically, referring to healthy growth in our emotions- how we respond versus react from anger, fear, confusion, defensiveness, mind-the way we think about topics, and relationships- how we build trust and unity even when we disagree. But when is enough_enough?

When do we call a spade a spade and see that all of the dissension in the world right now is a scheme of a greater enemy trying to create confusion and division between us? Sometimes “us” represents our most intimate relationships, sometimes “us” is our friendships, co-workers, or acquaintances. Sometimes “us” is the greater big “C” Church (the collective group of Jesus followers around the world, rather than a reference to a local church). Sometimes “us” is humanity. This division is real and I think we both can agree it is not an ingredient in a healthy life. When do we focus back on what I believe is the beautiful purpose we are all here in the first place—to love God and love others? When can we stop drawing from the well that runs dry and seek the one who will always provide everything we need (Philippians 4:19) and abundantly more (Ephesians 3:20)?

Friend, here is where the rubber meets the road. We must stop empty pursuit of knowledge to rid our anxieties and start looking to the One who is all-knowing by character and abundant in wisdom. Prayer has helped me surrender the desire for answers and reminds me there is a realm outside of myself. It reminds me that God is all-knowing and I am not.

This truth is good news. We can trust God to have all the answers when we don’t. And we don’t have to have all the answers ever. We can ask Him to reveal one next-step, one piece of wisdom, one ounce of clarity at a time. Even if He doesn’t reveal any answers to us, we can trust He will give us peace in the uncertainty and patience in the waiting.

Maybe you don’t agree there is a God who will provide this peace. If this is you, I challenge you to think about from where or from who you draw you peace?

Maybe you’re searching, but all you find are people who claim to believe is Jesus with whom you don’t really want to associate. Maybe you’ve been following Jesus for a long time, but you still find yourself overwhelmed and frustrated by what’s happening in the world because you’ve taken on the responsibility to try to fix it.

I see you.

Quite honestly, I find myself in both of those scenarios often. Some of my biggest frustrations are with people who claim to be “Christians”. Some perspectives are driven so much by fear that they cast a shadow over clarity rather than reflect the light that Jesus brought to this world. And I definitely fall in to the trap of overwhelm trying to play God and solve all the problems or find the answer that everyone can get on board with to bring peace. It comes from a good place, but the truth is I am drawn to the desire to control what is not mine to control.

As I was reading 1 Corinthians 2 this week verse 14 stopped me in my tracks:

“People who aren’t spiritual (those who are apart from God’s inner workings of faith) can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual (invited God’s work through the Holy Spirit revealing Christ) understand what the Spirit means.”

I can’t, you can’t, we can’t convince the world to think the way God thinks. This is not our burden to bare. However, we also cannot discern what God is doing in the world if we are not in relationship with Him. Before entering in relationship with Him, there must be an acceptance of who He is (Creator of the Universe) and that He not only represents what is good and what is true, but He IS TRUTH; an adoration, or awe of His character (all-knowing, all-powerful, faithful, etc.); acknowledgement that He sent Jesus to save us; and a choice to have a relationship with Him. Even once we have made this choice, verse 16 tells us we will understand the things of God and “have the mind of Christ”, yet we will never know God’s thoughts.

Thinking like God is different than knowing what God is thinking.

Awe—In ancient Jewish text YHWH was used to describe God. This people group had such an awe of their Creator they wouldn’t even mumble this word, His name, out loud. They regarded God as so holy that they wouldn’t even speak His name. Most scholars believe it to be pronounced “Yahweh.” (In our English translations, we’ve replaced the word YHWH with God, Jehovah, or LORD.)

Have you ever been in such awe of something or someone that you could not even use words to describe this thing or person?

Have you considered that this is the reverence we give social media voices, the latest news report, or dare I say CDC guidelines? Maybe your friends? Your parents? Teachers? We allow the world to tell us who we are and what we should believe. Maybe even our reactions or defenses to opposing views causes us to have a clouded perspective rather than a compassionate curiosity for people.

Have you ever paused to wonder about who God is and been in awe? We can learn a lot from the admiration and respect demonstrated by the Jewish people.

Friend, I think we both agree information, relationships, science, and our own ability to form thought and use critical thinking is valuable. It’s important to consider that the news changes by the minute. People disappoint, science is ever-evolving, and our understanding is often through an experiential-biased lens—emptiness.

God has an abundant life waiting for you. He cares about your life. I promise you can trust His guidance and perfect timing. Throughout history God has done what He says He will do. If you don’t believe me, there’s an entire book that scholars, historians, archaeologists, paleontologists, and other experts have assembled together from ancients stories and historical records proving this character of God true—the Bible. There is a letter in the Bible that was written to people in Rome by a man named Paul—one of the greatest influencers in spreading the word and story of Jesus throughout what is known today as Europe, Mediterranean, and the Middle East.

Similar to my reminder to you today, Paul starts his letter to the Romans reminding them of the Good News of Jesus that is promised in the ancient holy scriptures and later fulfilled. Paul reminds us that we are loved by God and He fills us with grace and peace. He reminds us that we have access to Him in prayer whenever we need and that we are forgiven. Along with the encouragement of the abundance God has for our lives, Paul writes:

“For the wickedness of humanity deliberately smothers the truth and keeps people from acknowledging the truth about God…They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen.” Romans ‭1:18 TPT, 25 NLT

I don’t know about you, but I never want to be stuck looking to the world for solutions. No matter how many promises of #truth or #good we will find as we scroll, here is the reality: the world has proven time and time again to fail through violence, depravity, heartache, and selfish motives—to name a few. The TRUTH: God is a good God. He is the Creator of the Universe and has proven generation after generation-since the first human recordings-faithful, steadfast, and reliable.

When I feel stuck in the cyclone of thoughts or burdened by the responsibility to fix the world’s problems, I have to choose to surrender. Through praise—acknowledging God’s character—and prayer—acknowledging there is someone greater and outside of my small human limitations—I choose to trust. I actively trust that God is greater.

Exchange the world’s emptiness for God’s abundance.

Will you join me today?

I encourage you to pray with me today:

YHWH, you are so good. So much in this world longs to be labeled “good”, yet turns up void every time because the world can never measure up to your standard of goodness. I ask you to clear our blurry or distorted vision and mend our broken perspective. Please help us see what is good through your lens. We need truth. We long for truth. Show us how to exchange the world’s emptiness for your abundance. Praise your name Lord Jesus, Let it be so.

FREEDOM

“It is for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery.”

Galatians 5:1 NASB

Independence Day! What is independence? What is freedom? “The land of the free and the home of the brave.” Is this even true? Is freedom actually something that someone else can give me or is it a perspective? While, I never take lightly the courage and sacrifice of our service men and women—I thank you and your families who have fought for and died for the freedoms and liberties we have in the United States of America, I don’t take them for granted and am very thankful for you—I wonder, though, if these freedoms our country supposedly provides really deliver the freedom so many of us desire.

Webster’s Dictionary defines independence and freedom several different ways, so for the sake of clarity in this discussion we will use the following definitions as they closely correlate and I believe capture the essence of our human desire: “not being subject to control by others”, “the absences of constraint in choice or action”, “liberation from the restraint from the power of another.”

I think we all want this type of freedom; don’t we? We want freedom–it just may look different for each of us. Maybe its freedom to be who you want to be. Freedom to say what you want to say. Freedom to love who you want to love. Maybe its seeking justice or peace not only to free yourself from oppression, but for the sake of a larger group.

While these are justifiable aspirations…

Have you ever considered that your desire for freedom is actually keeping you restrained from experiencing true freedom?

I was in deep. My longing to be seen and heard, my desire to keep my two kids under two alive and healthy, my desire to lead and have the appearance that I had it all together so no one could see the internal agony– I was struggling to hold it all together.

I felt justified because my desire for control in my parenting was driven by good intentions. My good intentions: having a clean house that was hospitable to visitors, protecting their brain development by advocating for playtime rather than screen time, being an example of love and gentleness while talking to my kids like they were people rather than “children to be seen and not heard”, and consistency in discipline. No matter my intentions, it didn’t excuse my yelling at my daughter when she didn’t pick up her toys after I asked her…again, it didn’t excuse the judgment I felt toward those who chose to watch movies with my son during the short few hours they watched him, it didn’t excuse the loud park conversations to parade the great job I did talking to my children, and it didn’t excuse me interrupting my husband’s parenting to prove I knew better.

Prior to parenting, I fought to win the debate, be right in the argument, recognized for my achievements, or acknowledged for the hours I volunteered; underneath the surface of these behaviors was the longing to be understood—the longing to be enough.

Many of us are tempted to justify toxic behavior when our intent appears “good.”

We believe self-care will fuel us, teamwork at the office brings us together, and excellence in our career means we’re working hard. We perceive a strong social media following means we’re competent, passing an exam says we’ve succeeded, children who obey means we’re doing something right, and peace in our home is, well, peace in our home.

But if downtime means putting off important responsibilities, then self-care is actually self-indulgent, teamwork is a guise for elevating yourself as a leader or slacking off to not do as much work, and screaming for everyone to just “be quiet” is the way to achieve peace—well, it’s time to look at a heart change. If all the success and achievements we seek merely feed a hunger for recognition, adequacy, and image, our good intentions don’t matter.  

Our problem isn’t always the thing we desire, rather the relationship we have with that “good” thing.

I just want five minutes to myself. I just want to be rescued from this anxiety. I just want the kids to stop yelling at each other. I just want him to love me back. I just want my family to understand me.

While you’re discontent with life not being how you want, do you sometimes feel trapped by internal angst because something isn’t done the way you wanted? Does your blood boil when people vote differently than you? Do you feel constricted when you’re told to behave a certain way? We saw a lot of these behaviors in ourselves and others this last year with the different approaches to “the pandemic”. Although not everyone adopted the idea that COVID-19 was a “pandemic”, our country, our cities, and our internal lives certainly became pandemonium. The different approaches to mask wearing, social distancing, and vaccinations created an uproar in our souls as we fought for the “greater good”. The challenge is that for some, the greater good was abiding by the changes to our laws and CDC recommendations, for others the greater good was fighting for our right to make our own choices for ourselves and our families. 

Maybe the real issue is that our desires are like chains around our feet that hold us back from moving forward. 

When our pining for that thing we desire becomes our focus for freedom our actions become dysfunctional. Maybe we end up hating people who get in our way, manipulating others, or resenting people who have favor over us. Maybe we have senseless arguments or throw a tantrum like a toddler because we didn’t get what we wanted. Maybe we turn to an addictive behavior or habit. Our chains.

At the core of this ache, what is it that you really want? What would freedom look like in your life? Though you did not choose this circumstances that led to this dissatisfaction, you desire freedom from its hold on you.

There is good news: there is a way out!

More good news: the way out is not just another to-do item to add into your already crammed day. The way out does, however, require one small move.

“Beloved ones, God has called us to live a life of freedom in the Holy Spirit. But don’t view this wonderful freedom as an opportunity to set up a base of operations in the natural realm. Freedom means that we become so completely free of self-indulgence that we become servants of one another, expressing love in all we do.”

Galatians 5:13 TPT

Surrender.

Open up those hands gripping control and accept that Jesus is the one in control.

When we choose to release the control over our own lives and the lives of others and grab a hold of Jesus instead, His Spirit frees us. Rather that grasping for the desire for freedom that leaves us empty, God gives us freedom to love. Jesus shows us how to love. He helps us see that living for our own desires actually hurts ourselves and others.

Jesus empowers us to love, to serve, and to live. In the Christian world we often hear the prayer “God break off the chains that _____” and we fill in whatever area we feel is holding us back or constricting us. What if we consider an idea that comes from what God’s promises have already told us in the Bible:

Jesus already broke the chains, you just have to step out of them.

Whether you’ve chosen a life with Jesus or not, you’re probably familiar with and even share his solution: LOVE.

The world’s understanding of love is caring for yourself, feeling a particular admiration or freedom of judgement toward others, or creating a safe environment. While these are all “good” desires, below is how God defines LOVE.

“But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions:

• JOY that overflows

• PEACE that subdues

• PATIENCE that endures

• KINDNESS in action

• A life full of VIRTUE

• FAITH that prevails

• GENTLENESS of heart

• STRENGTH of spirit.

Never set the law above these qualities, for they are meant to be limitless.”

Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Love calls us to action. Love calls us to serve others. Love calls us to surrender the desires we long for and seek what God desires for our lives and those around us. As we break off the chains that weigh us down, we learn to love how God defines love. We learn to replace the chains of:

1. selfish motives with love—for God, ourselves, and others
2. discontentment with joy—gratitude and security with what we’ve been trusted with is enough
3. anxiety with peace—God is in control and we can be secure even when everything around us is shaky
4. irritation with patience—breathe, it’s okay, we are all in process
5. malice with kindness—we all have a story worth sharing that motivates our decision and actions; seek to understand
6. cruelty with gentleness—speak life: build others up with your words rather than tear them down
7. rage with self-control—like lifting weights, start small- discipline requires practice

Maybe true freedom isn’t independence from something else, but rather full dependence on someONE who is dependable.

Freedom Christ gives calls us to love and love from Christ frees us to live.

What chains are you ready to step out of today? Post in the comments; I’d love to pray for your strength as walk in this freedom. Has God already freed you? Please share below and encouraged other readers.

Prayer: God thank you for caring about me enough to want whats best for me and my relationships. Please show me the chains that lock me up. Show me the things in my life I desire more than my desire for you. You are love. You are joy. You are peace. You are freedom. Help me to step out of the chains and walk in your freedom. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

NOTE: This is not a space to air our political opinions. Please, I encourage you, DO have those conversations with your friends and families. This, however, is a safe space for our hearts and minds to stretch beyond what is happening around us. We will evaluate hard questions and search our souls. We may discuss challenging topics of the heart, but all for the sake of seeking God’s guidance, will, and growth for our lives. Thank you for respecting this environment and helping us all move forward peacefully and productively together.

Parenting 101 (part 2): Enjoying the View

Tonight, like every night, I will kiss my kids and tuck them into bed, and pray they don’t remember how I’ve failed them. I will lay in my bed, like every night, and think of how to be better, love better, be more present, be more prepared and ask myself, “how do I not fail tomorrow?”

The answer is the same. You are here. You are present. You love them. You are a good Mom. It’s not what you do. It’s not what you say. It’s that you love. And I love you.

I spent five days in the hospital, and by God’s grace He made me grateful for it. 
I saw the leaves on the trees. I was able to look above the concrete, from the elevator hallway floor-to-ceiling windows, and see creation.  

I saw people. Hurting people. Lonely people. Chronic pain. 100s cycled through; hundreds cycled through- just the NE wing: floor 7- in five days.

I saw my friends. I saw love. I saw compassion. I saw that I matter to a lot of people. I saw that I am not alone. As much as I believe that horrible lie, I saw that I am NOT alone.

I saw my husband. I saw how much he cares for our family. I saw how much he protects me. I saw his unique, individual, only-Joseph-shows-empathy-to-me-this-way love. 

I saw my kids. Not just their physical bodies. I didn’t just hear their words. By God’s grace I saw their hearts. 

When they weren’t even there, I saw them. I saw that my performance and parenting skills, at which I have often boastfully reassured myself to be good, does not produce mathematical results. I saw that there are not always answers to every question. I saw that I don’t have to make up an answer to every question when I can’t find one. I saw that my life that I define as “Crazy” is beautiful. 

I missed them. I missed the crazy that I often want to run and hide from. 

It was oddly bittersweet getting into those elevators; I knew I would not be able to stop several times a day, feel the warm sun peering through the glass, and see the view above the buildings. 

It’s amazing how quickly the images of hurting people leave my mind’s eye when the day to day tasks and frustration arise.

It’s amazing how all that I “saw” starts to become blurred by the distorted lenses of fear and doubt.

I am choosing to take off those lenses. I’ve done this before in other ways on my journey, but this time I don’t want to put them in their protected case. I want to step on them, crush them, destroy them, so they can never be worn again. Anyone with me?

Let’s take off the lenses of shame. 

Let’s take off the lenses of judgement. 

Let’s take off the lenses of doubt.

 Let’s take off the lenses of fear. 

Let’s let anxiety be the uncomfortable, itchy eye-sore we never want to enter our home, instead of wearing it like our cozy sweatpants we’ve had for ten years that we don’t want to get rid of.

And for those of you who don’t identify with any of this parenting stuff, love those in your life who might. Spend time with them so yours eyes see a little more clearly the reality they face daily. “See” them. Listen to them. Ask questions. Offer help with your hands not your mouth. 

Use your mouth to speak words of encouragement. If you start to judge, self-reflect. It’ll be better for everyone, including yourself! Maybe you’ll see the amazing qualities you have to be life-giving to someone who feels hopeless and helpless.

I Love this picture of my daughter and I hiking! 

This is friendship.

There are many mountains we will climb in this life. Let’s not kick someone in the knees and make them fall to their face. Let’s help lift each other up when it’s needed. Let’s walk side by side. Let’s find a walking stick to empower each other and strengthen each other. 

Find your people. Be that person to someone. Love even when it’s hard. Be the light that shines hope in the darkness not a magnifying glass to imperfections. 

Who’s in?

I used to say, “until my munchkins next nap,” but in this season the reality is my writing will wait, “until the next time I have an opportunity.” So in the meantime, surrender, smile, breathe, cry if you need to, kiss those you love, and find an opportunity to make someone’s day, not break it. 

Parenting 101: The Test

Parenting feels like a multiple choice test. 

Not like a scantron where there’s actually a right answer. No. It’s the type where all the answers could be right and you have to select the best one. 

You ask yourself (as time is ticking), “what is the BEST for THIS situation!” 

You choose.

Sometimes you’re right. Sometimes you’re wrong. Sometimes no matter what you choose… you’re wrong because there actually is not a correct answer. 

Sometimes you try “all of the above” and you’re still wrong. 

Because, my friends, in parenting, your strong-willed kid is that professor that gets to choose (not morally, ethically, or actually) what he thinks is right and wrong depending on his mood.  

No matter how much reading, studying, discussing, and reasoning you have done to come up with the best answer, if the professor has a different opinion, there is no changing his mind.

Example: Your kid throws sand in another kid’s face. What is the appropriate response?

Answer: 

• A. Walk over calmly take the shovel, explain (for the 100th time in his life) that it’s mean/not nice/disrespectful/not ok to throw sand. Tell him to make sure the other kid is ok. Tell your kid to apologize. 
• B. Remove kid from situation. Give him a time out for making a bad choice. When time out is over, have him apologize.
• C. Take shovel. Spank kid’s bottom for being mean. Tell him it’s unacceptable behavior and to make it right.
• D. Leave the park. Your kid knows it’s not ok to act that way. Tell your kid if he wants to be at the park, he needs to earn the privilege of being at a park back by being respectful at home. 
• E. Ignore it. They’re kids. They need to be able to work out conflict on their own and establish relationship rolls.

I’ve read about and come up with all sorts of great solutions. The reality is though, the ideas that “you’re the parent, and the kid will behave perfectly if you’ve done your part to establish authority” or ” your kid just wants to feel safe, if they feel loved and secure their behavior will follow suit” aren’t always true. 

So many people I know, including myself, who battle either depression, anxiety, eating disorders, OCD, addictive behavior, and many other debilitating conditions were not allowed to take ownership of their choices and emotions as a child, and were often even criticized for them. 

Anyone else familiar with, “children are to be seen and not heard”, “children are to only speak when spoken to”, “she’s a child, she doesn’t understand”, “he’s a kid, he doesn’t know what he wants”?

When you witness scenarios like the example above, you might ask. “How old is the kid?” “Does he know better?” Was this the first time?” “Why is he throwing sand. That’s mean! Why is he so mean?” Do you compare him to all the other kids you “know”?

These are all great questions and concerns. They’ve gone through my head too. Both as a observer/bystander and about my own kids. 

Sometimes we don’t see the invisible ink:

• F. There is no correct response.

Come on Moms, if we’re honest with ourselves and each other, we know that “breast is best” doesn’t work for a baby who’s Mommy can’t produce milk. Sleep training does not work for every kid. Some kids refuse a pacifier and will only suck their thumb. Potty training boot camp works wonders for some families, and for others it produces bathroom anxiety and long term digestive issues.

I have a secret… It’s all ok. 

Moms, it’s ok. 

Dads, it’s ok. 

This is not a test.

Do you need to do something? Absolutely, you are a parent; however, this is NOT a test.

Now, to the really nosey people who think that your “expert opinion” matters, it ok. It’s really ok that “those parents” aren’t doing it “your” way! 

It is NOT ok, however, for you to make them feel less-than. It’s NOT ok for you to give your opinion if it’s not asked for. Your unsolicited advice is hurtful and unnecessary. If you’ve had kids, you had your chance to raise THEM. 

If you want to mentor younger parents, then love on them, spend time to know them AND their kids, and if they ask a question, you then have permission to answer. You have been invited. Trust me, we need more of you who truly care!! We need more safe people. Otherwise, you are an intruder and are trespassing. Zip it please!! 

We forget sometimes that kids are people. They have brains. Emotions. Sometimes BIG emotions. Thoughts. Opinions. Good days. Bad days. Tired days. Tantrum days.

Oh ya, can we talk about this for a second?

Any one of those answers to the above situation, by the way, could result in a tantrum.  Some, for a child, are totally controllable and are out of complete defiance. Others, however, I believe happen when a child’s amazing developing brain is unable to process and respond to both the facts and emotions at the same time.  All the circumstances are so overwhelming that his or her mind and body explodes like ticking time-bomb.

I absolutely believe it is my responsibility to teach my children respect and kindness and integrity and love and patience and self-control.  

I am also learning that all I can do is teach it and model it. And most importantly pray about it. I cannot demand it. The more I push and strive and strain to control my children, the more out of control I become.

So, I pray for my own self-control. 

My kid is going to do what he wants to do because he is a person. He is not a programmable machine. He is not a dog that I can give a treat for good behavior and expect that he will eventually behave a certain way and make all the right choices.

Does positive reinforcement work? Absolutely! It encourages. It shows that there are good consequences and rewards for good behavior. But it does not change a heart.  

Do consequences work? Absolutely! They establish boundaries. Kids need to know what is ok and what is not ok. They need to know there are rules in life even as adults, and there are consequences for making bad choices. But it does not change a heart.

My kids also need Jesus, just like I need Jesus every day. When I come to Him, Jesus shows me my heart. He shows me when I totally mess up and yell or when I ignore because I don’t want to deal with it, when I make choices out of control or selfishness, and He forgives me and helps me start over or “push the restart button” like we say in our house. The reality is I make my own choices too, and I fail daily. 

I pray I bear the Spirit’s fruit of self-control because I am not strong enough to will it upon myself.

If you’re that frustrated Mom out there, like I am today, and you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing is working. Please don’t feel defeated. I feel pretty defeated on a lot of days, and you know what, I’m worth more than that. You’re worth more than that.  Though we feel beat up all day long, we are not punching bags.

You have value. You have purpose. 

We are not taking a test, being graded by the successful responses or good choices of our children.  

Observers, please stop grading us.

We grade ourselves. We judge ourselves. God gave our kids to us and us to them for a reason. We will do many things to mess up along the way, but it’s in those moments, when we can’t do it on our own, that we hopefully realize God’s strength to guide us through.

Please don’t assume we are bad parents because of the choices our kids make. 

Please don’t assume we are good parents because of the choices our kids make.

Please don’t assume anything.

Coming from a very opinionated person on a tough journey learning the time and place to put voice to my thoughts. Coming from a person who cares so deeply for people, and truly wants to see people grow and learn and flourish into the person they are created to be for the life they live: 

Use your mouth to speak words of encouragement. If you start to judge, self-reflect. It’ll be better for everyone, including yourself! Maybe you’ll see the amazing qualities in which God has gifted you, to be life-giving to someone who feels hopeless and helpless.

Parents, we can be protected from our head to our toes with salvation, righteousness, faith, truth, the Spirit, and peace. 

If you’re down on the ground, rise up to your knees, say a prayer. He’ll heal those wounds and support you as you rise back to your feet.  

I love brainstorming with other moms. The learning does not stop with the many incredible tools from my Mommy friends, podcasts (shout out to the seriously life-changing God Centered Mom), and other bloggers who have great parenting insight. Here’s the reality: those tools are super helpful, and sometimes nothing works! 

It’s ok. 

Tonight, like every night, I will kiss my kids and tuck them into bed, and pray they don’t remember how I’ve failed them. I will lay in my bed, like every night, and think of how to be better, love better, be more present, be more prepared and ask myself, “how do I not fail tomorrow?”

The answer is the same. You are here. You are present. You love them. You are a good Mom. It’s not what you do. It’s not what you say. It’s that you love. And my daughter, you love deeply. And I love you.

Breathe. Smile. Rest. 

I used to say, “until my munchkin’s next nap,” but in this season, the reality is my writing will wait until the next time I have an opportunity. So in the meantime, surrender, smile, breathe, cry if you need to, kiss those you love, and find an opportunity to make someone’s day, not break it. 

Re-addressing Meal Planning on a Budget

After 2 years of successfully implementing my monthly meal planning, I have learned ALOT!

First disclosure: I am NOT a good photographer, this is not a full time food blog, and I am horrible at making food look sexy.

I am a Wife and Mom, figuring life out and discovering how, with the help of my culinary-trained husband, I can make healthy food taste really yummy on a very tight budget. So don’t let my iPhone photos deter you from trying out some of these delicious, easy recipes on here.

Now to business. 

I was asked by a friend to share for a few minutes at a MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Scoolers) meeting this morning and I realized, in my attempts to prep speaking on this topic, that I had WAY too much info to condense into 5 minutes.

As a result, what felt like a train wreck, I stood in front of these beautiful ladies, after drinking way too much coffee, and downloaded a bunch of info that I hope they were able to find useful.

So, thankful to them for their generous feedback, I now want to update you on how to spend $400 (or less) to feed 4 in a month, in as concise of a manner as my brain allows.

1. Establish your budget

Maybe it’s $400, maybe it’s $600. Maybe it’s usually $1000 and you want to cut back, so see how far $800 gets you for the first month. Set yourself up for success otherwise you’re destined to fail. Make small cutbacks and work your way to a smaller amount each month.

This budget by the way does not include dining out or household supplies (i.e. Toilet paper, paper towels,etc.). Those are 2 separate categories in our budget and each get between $75 to $150 depending on projected expenses for the month.

2. Make your list

Not your shopping list, your food list. I will clarify, but stick with me.

Start with breakfast. What are your favorite foods. Coffee? Creamer? Snacks? Lunch? More snacks? Dinner? Couch date treats for when the kiddos go down (any other parents out there? i.e chocolate, ice cream, Cheetos puffs, etc.) Keep your favorite recipes in mind.

When you buy foods you love you’re more likely to stick to a budget because you don’t feel like you’re giving up your life.

3. List your priorities

Here’s the kicker: think of that dollar amount you budgeted, now ask yourself:

What are my priorities? Organic? No preservatives? Gluten free? Cage-free? Non dairy? RAW? Fish? Red meat? Must have cheese with everything? Oh sorry maybe that’s just me… Wine anyone? 

(Maybe wine needs a separate budget for you; be realistic and honest about what’s important.)

Level your priorities: what is the most important? Can your budget afford it all or do you need to adjust your standards? 

We’re grown-ups, sometimes we need to actually “grow up”.

For my family it is important to find foods that don’t have preservatives or additives. I know we will consume plenty of unhealthy foods outside our home, but due to our family health history there are certain preservatives that lead to digestive issues we are predisposed to; therefore, we need to stay clear of preservatives on a regular basis.

 It took some homework to find the right snacks and cereals I am ok with that taste good AND are cost effective. I end up rotating when I buy them based on sales. 

Again, put in the leg work up front, and it gets easier!! I promise!!

I also know the importance of organic. Because no preservatives is of higher importance to me, I choose select produce items such as kale, spinach, and certain fruits that are always organic, the rest are not, unless the sale prices are better. 

If your budget is a top priority sometimes other things need to go. Coffee creamer for instance. We CHOOSE to alternate weeks of using creamer to save those $3 on a week that it needs to go elsewhere. But RAW milk is a must, so that will always take presidence over anything else.

It’s your budget. It’s your choice.

4. Grocery list #1: Bulk items

Take all those wonderful food items you listed. Copy and paste it. Now, delete all the food that is unnecessary to your daily function. 

Ok now, look at items that can be bought in bulk and separate those onto a Costco list. If it helps, these are my Costco items: 

• bread (they come in a 2 pack and I freeze one loaf)
• Meat: chicken, ground beef/turkey, Italian Sausage (I change up my meat choice each month to avoid redundancy)
• cheese (cheddar, mozzarella, and Romano are staples in this house)
• yogurt
• butter
• eggs
• hummus
• snack item: usually pita chips or “food Should Taste Good” multigrain chips
• salad packs: Asian chopped salad or sweet kale are my favorites
• deli meat
• apples- always check the price, sometimes these are better at the grocery store
• cereal-again only sometimes, depending on the selection. 
• peanut butter
• strawberry preserves
• coffee
• Creamer-if price is right

 If you don’t shop Costco it will be difficult to stock up; I couldn’t work my budget without them. 
Your first month doing this method you may spend a little more because your stocking up on everything, but each month the list changes a little because it’s not time to buy every item every month.

5. Grocery list #2: Grocery

Ok, go back to that first favorite food list. The remainder of those items go here.

Now, picture yourself in the grocery store. Where do you start? Do you wonder aimlessly? Or do you go in with a mission? If you’ve got kids, I suggest having a mission or its like shopping hungry; you end up grabbing random boxes and opening that box of cookies before even making it to the register.

I start at the left side of the store and I go aisle by aisle making by way to the back of the store than over to the middle and I finish on the right side. I make my list in the order that the food appears in the store. That way I’m on a fluid path and don’t have to jot across the store back and forth weaving through all the other shoppers because I forgot an onion.

Side note: my grocery store of choice is Sprouts. Their produce prices are the best and their sales are incredible. Their bulk bins are also a great way to get my kids involved in the shopping process and save a little extra too.

If you don’t have kids and can go to multiple stores for key favorite ingredients, please, do so! I make exceptions for Trader Joe’s if I really want their mango sorbet or pot stickers and fried rice.

6. Implementation: Bring Cash Only

Now that your budget is set and your lists are made, it’s go time. Look at that list at the beginning of every month. Add special items, delete unnecessary items. 

Be flexible! Life changes. One month you might have a new house guest every week, the next it might be a birthday, you might be on vacation. You are in charge!

Once you have established this outline, it’s as easy as adding and deleting a few items each week. Asked on what your family needs.

And yes! I said CASH only! When you have cash, you quickly become aware of the importance of certain items. You might find some items end up back on the shelf. No one wants to be at the register with not enough money to buy what’s in the cart. 

I’ve been there! Please, spare yourself, take my word for it! Handing back one item at a time to return as you watch your total decrease $1 at a time to what it’s supposed to be, ya that can be embarrassing! Not to mention the people behind you rolling their eyes as they comprehend your need to hand back that $2 box of muffins. Puts things into perspective!

7. Eat left overs/ Don’t waste

When you’re on a budget it forces you to consume everything purchased. You eliminate waste, you teach yourself self-control, you enjoy what you’re eating because you worked hard for it, you appreciate the needs of the world. 

When I start to get grumpy about eating leftovers, I quickly am reminded of the abundance I live in and blessings I have. It’s a quick sanctification process (for all you Jesus followers out there hehe) and it gives me a chance to teach my kids the importance of a grateful heart.

8. Have fun!

Remember, either your budget is a priority or it’s not. For us, it was necessary for the goals we have for our family. Making small sacrifices every month has been a huge payoff in other areas for us. 

Enjoy the process and you’ll soon realize that your money is buying you EXACTLY what YOU want. YOU are in control! YOU have hand selected every item that will be eaten in your house and will enjoy it so much more because you were intentional in the process. Trust me, your dinners will actually taste better to you because they were planned and not just a bunch of random items put together at the last minute (or worse, fast food).

9. One more thing

So often people say they can’t eat healthy on a tight budget. I’m here to tell you that is a lie! When my cart is filled with carrots and hummus or celery and peanut butter as snacks it’s much cheaper than when I grab those BBQ chips. Produce is cheap! Especially when you’re buying seasonally ripe items. Also to mention, I feel better, eat less, and have more energy because I’m eating real food that is meant to sustain me, not to drag me down and make me crave more. 

10. Ok this is the last- for the parents

Stop buying separate meals for your kids. That’s not budget friendly. It’s setting your kids and YOU up for failure. All kids go through picky stages, yes, some much more than others, but let them participate in the process and always provide healthy options. It can be fun. If they don’t eat the broccoli today, try again in a few days.  Keep it up! It’s hard, but press through! Those couple years of hard work will make family meals so much more enjoyable and affordable later. You can do it! I’m cheering for you!

Thanks for reading. Please let me know if you have any questions. I am still learning and refining my process too, so if you have any suggestions or feedback, please let me know; I LOVE to learn new tips!

Anxiety: Underneath the Rubble

The more I learn about and am open about my own anxiety and postpartum depression, the more people in my life I learn have a similar reality. I’m learning that those who seem the strongest and have it all together for everyone else around them, usually (secretly) have little to no strength left for themselves. 

Not everyone struggles the same, not every remedy is the same. I don’t know if there is a “solution”, but I have found things that are helpful to me. We are all different, but we can stand together and support each other. 

The Mighty posted a video called The fear of anxiety can also cause it. I encourage you to watch it.

Videos like this, I think are a nice way of someone saying, “I get it, you’re not alone.” Not, “Here’s how I can fix you.” If you know someone who has anxiety, take a minute to watch this video. They may not have all the post-it symptoms, but I’m sure they have a few. This might help you understand a little better, sympathize a little more, and not think the burden falls on you to fix everything. Just love them. Listen to them. 

I am SUCH a fixer by nature, I try to FIX all-the-time! But it’s ironic, and certainly eye-opening at how much it irritates me when someone tries to “fix” me. I am broken. We all are in our own way. That is the reality of the world we live in. Acknowledging the brokenness is the first step to rebuilding.

Anxiety is one piece of that broken puzzle. There is only one person who can truly put the pieces back together to reveal that beautiful picture, and that’s Jesus. And he did it on the cross. When we celebrate his resurrection, we celebrate Him making all things new again. When we acknowledge that the stripes on His back were put there to heal us, the resurrection in our own life can begin. 

This is the same broken world that it always has been, but we have hope in Him, that in the end it has already been restored.

But in the meantime, in our brokenness, at the bottom of all the rubble is someone who just wants to be heard and lifted up, encouraged. It’s Jesus’ job to do the healing. It’s our job to do the loving. We lean on His word and his promises to be our strength, to be our truth. But we need His people to surround us and show us the love and compassion and relationship for which He put us here.

I want to be one of those people. What about you?

I hope this finds you encouraged today! You’re not alone. If you need a listening ear. I’m here. Send me a message. 

  *theodysseyonline.org

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God, gives us strength, Even though we can’t see Him.(repeat)

He gives us joy. He makes lots of things. He made cats and pigs and dogs and all of the animals at the zoo. And He made all of the horses too. 

God, gives us strength, Even though we can’t see Him. (repeat)

LilyBelle was not having it. Minutes turned into hours which turned into all night of screaming. Absolutely inconsolable screaming!!

Finally after thrashing her body around in our bed most of the night, she passed out at 3:45am to then wake up again at 5:45am wide-eyed and ready to play.

I was not!

Not long after, were both kids awake and at full throttle and I just couldn’t get myself in gear.  My husband had full-leaded coffee ready for me before he left for his early morning, and I sat and prayed all breakfast for strength and energy and patience to make it even another 5 minutes without snapping. 

I excused myself from breakfast and let my kids entertain each other so I could try to #breathe.

My Munchckin comes running up to me,”Mommy! Mommy! I cleaned up my oatmeal. I did it all by myself! Look! I threw it in the garbage!”

 Oh no! Danielle, pull it together. There will probably be oatmeal all over the floor and trash can, but don’t crush his spirit. He’s THREE. And he’s trying. Get ready to be proud of him and teach him gently. God, give me patience, gentleness and self-control.

We held hands. I scanned the dining room and kitchen floor to ceiling searching for this slop of oatmeal that we needed to clean. Nothing. Spotless. He opens the trash and there it was, a small little pile of oatmeal he hadn’t finished, his spoon in the sink and his bowl set back on the table nicely so it wouldn’t break.

“Wow, Bud! Thank you for cleaning up!”

“Ya! I did it all by myself because ‘I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength’ even when things are hard. Mommy, I want Jesus here. Can He come in our house?” #proudmommoment

“Jesus is here, Bud. He’s here because we’ve invited Him to be a part of our lives.”

“But I want to see Jesus.”

I gently picked him up and show him the leaves rustling on the trees. 

“Do you see the leaves moving?” (Ya.) “What causes the leaves to move?” (Wind.) “Can we see the wind?” (No, but we see the leaves move.) “Exactly! We can’t see Jesus’ face, but we know He’s here because we see what He is doing in our lives.” (Oh, like love and people.) “Yep! That’s right! He’s our love to people, our strength when things are hard, and peace when we’re scared.”

He picks up his guitar and starts singing at the top of his lungs. I quickly grabbed a pen and paper (and he did too, as you can see) and asked if I could write this beautiful song of his heart down so we could remember it and sing it together.   

I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

Through this exhaustion, battling the “I can’t do this” and the “I am alone” lies, I have realized I have strength because Christ is in me. But I must seek Him daily.

It doesn’t matter how many times I hear that I’m a good mom; I will always feel empty, weak, un-acknowledged, and worthless if my value does not come from God.

Operating with strength means operating in faith. 

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:2

My strength comes from God. If my faith is blocked, God’s strength in me is blocked. 

I found notes from a women’s bible study I attended a few years ago titled The Barriers to our Faith and began to take personal inventory. 

I want to share with you the following barriers to my faith and the questions that go with them.  If you can relate at all to what I’ve shared, I encourage you to look at the list and evaluate your own life. Doing this self-reflection made me realize I dwell on some of these questions daily. They are in the back of my mind steering the course of my day, my attitude, my reactions, and to be quite honest, it usually ends up ugly.

Worry: Am I making the healthiest choices for my kids and their future success?

Fear: Will people accept me for who I am? Will something terrible happen to my husband and kids? Will I be left all alone?

Doubt: Am I good enough? Do I have purpose?

My past: Are there people I have not forgiven? Am I one of them? 

Distance from God: (until recently) I was not spending time praying or reading the Bible very often at all.

Depression: Post-partum hormones and emotions associated.

Anxiety: Am I doing everything “right”? I’ve realized that for me anxiety and fear are very much correlated; one doesn’t exist without the other. 

She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong.

Proverbs 31:17

Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:25‬ ‭

  I love these verses (and all of proverbs 31, for that matter) because it reminds me that strength is woven into my DNA as God’s creation and as a woman living for the purpose He created me. I can’t be the mom, wife, daughter, sister or friend He created me to be if I don’t include Him in the process.

Being Mommy to these two precious kiddos is teaching me so much about me. 

Who am I? What do I value? Who do I value? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? Do I have influence? Am I using it? Am I living with integrity? When my kids look back, will they be able to look past my hang-ups (and how I’ve messed them up) and be proud to call me Mommy? 

Will they see God’s love and grace in me and through me?

Is there something or someone that has shaken your world so much, you constantly evaluate and reevaluate what life is really about? Do you know who you are? Do you know your purpose? Do you know you have a purpose? 

I now realize these self-shaming questions, “am I good enough?” or “am I doing enough?” Or the “I can’t do this,” and “I am alone,” are a reflection of God not being the center of my life.  They are I-centered not God-centered. 

It’s taken over a year of listening to the *God Centered Mom podcast for me to take full ownership that my life has not been, well, that: God-Centered. As Heather MacFadyen encourages listeners every episode, it’s time I start to “replace me with He.”

I may have been going through the motions of church, Bible study, talking about Him to people, teaching my kids, listening to podcasts… but God doesn’t ask for our motions or our actions, He asks for our heart. And gives us the choice to give it to Him. All of the above are not bad, but they should come from the overflow of His love in me, not out of mere duty or, frankly, habit. 
I stumbled on this verse, right now in fact, as I am writing out my thoughts.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs 14:12

Relying on my own strength is what leads to exhaustion and negativity, and worry and fear and doubt and distance from God and depression and anxiety.  

   

 Just like each new day I encourage, teach and coach my kids to explore, take risks, and trust me to help them along the way, I need to remember God wants me to trust Him all the more. We will fall, we will fail, but He picks us back up, wraps His arms around us as if to say, “It’s ok. I’m here. I love you. Let’s try again.”

God used my three year old son to answer my desperate prayer for strength and remind me: 

“God, gives us strength, even though we can’t see Him.”

I’m so grateful God’s grace covers me and all of my imperfections. I am humbled that inspite of my inadequacies, God gives me strength for today. 

I’ll leave you with this thought that I tell my kids several times a day, and that I need to remind myself:

 “Let God pour so much of His love into your life that it can’t help but overflow and pour out into those around you.” 

It is in that love that you will find strength for today.

*note to parents: This podcast has been so encouraging to me. Every episode Heather MacFadyen interviews different Moms and Dads who have gone before us on this parenting journey. Whether it’s a Mom of one or ten, in her 20s or 80s, established a world-wide platform of millions or her platform is her home’s living room floor, there are gems to take away from every episode. I highly encourage you to check it out! Here’s the link again: God Centered Mom